i've been absent from the blog because my husband & i have suffered a great loss a few weeks ago. once it happened, we've been making ourselves pretty busy. i have been having a hard time being alone with my thoughts so i have been watching hulu & netflix non-stop & i'm pretty sure i'm developing carpal tunnel from crocheting so much. we've talked to family who gave us so many words of kindness & love. all have been praying for us. some, sadly have gone through what we are going through so it was relieving to hear them say exactly what we were feeling.
at first i would just randomly cry. i had a hard time seeing women have what i no longer had. i stopped looking at instagram & a lot of the blogs that i followed because it was so hard. i didn't want to go to church because i had nothing to keep my mind busy so all i would focus on was how sad i was. same goes for when we went to the temple as a ward.
luckily, as the days went by, i was starting to feel better. i was beginning to feel like the old me again. i had come to terms what had happened & i was getting over it.
General Conference came at such a wonderful time for me! talks were given about eternal families, the importance of being women, & Christ love. one that really stuck out to me was Elder Quentin L. Cook's talk "
Personal Peace: The Reward of Righteousness". my favorite quote was this:
We all long for peace. Peace is not just safety or lack of war, violence, conflict, and contention. Peace comes from knowing that the Savior knows who we are and knows that we have faith in Him, love Him, and keep His commandments, even and especially amid life’s devastating trials and tragedies. The Lord’s answer to the Prophet
Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail brings solace to the heart:
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.”
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yup, definitely needed! so after all of this, i felt fine; until i went in to the doctors this last wed. i was going to make sure that everything physically was okay. again, i see all of these women have what i no-longer have. & that dong nurse; she asked if i'm okay. i, of course, say that i'm fine but i hesitate alil when i answer. so she asks "are your really okay?" tears, depression, & all of those feelings of loss hit my again. o know she was concerned but it would have been a much better day if she didn't ask. our family members have asked how i am & i was okay with that. only one of our friends knew & they have done a great job not bringing it up. but that dang nurse! lol so the past few days have, again, been filled with random crying sessions, not getting out of bed until needed, trying to stay busy. i love my Heavenly Father & i know that this was all part of the plan. it's a sucky part but it was most likely needed. i wont find out til later but i'm okay with that. i know it was nothing i did. i will be okay, eventually.